Category Archives: Humor

Eyes

As a child, one of the Sunday School songs started like this: “Be careful little eyes what you see…” and it reminded us that what we look at, affects our thinking, which affects our actions, which becomes a spiritual issue as well. Similar verses warned our ears and what we listen to, our hands and the things we choose to do, and finally our feet and where we choose to go.

I have been repeatedly returning to Psalm 119 over the past four or five months every once in a while and yesterday I got caught on verse 37: “Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.” (New Living Translation).

I was immediately reminded of how many times I go online for some legitimate reason and “accidentally” find myself still online 20 minutes, an hour, or even several hours later. I need to redeem the time… and Facebook and Twitter can be tools and even very helpful, but they can be the door in to a longer, more wasteful, worthless online experience.

And it’s EVERYTHING we allow into our minds and hearts, isn’t it? Internet, video games, books, comics, magazines, songs (and lyrics), and the list could go on for quite a while…

Couple that with a crazy “selfie” picture that I had taken a couple of weeks ago when I had shaved my beard down and a new graphic reminder of this verse was born.

Enjoy… or be freaked  out… but heed the Scriptural truth.

psalm-11937-mixed-rendition

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Ten Reasons Men Should Not Be Ordained Pastors

All of the sudden in the past three months or so, I’ve encountered the idea that women should not be ordained pastors from about five different sources… from five different Christian faith traditions in fact. NONE of them is from my United Methodist tradition, I need to add. It was in the past but we solved that theological confusion 50 some years ago.

Based on the reasons I’ve heard and read, then, for exactly the same logical kinds of arguments, then MEN should not be ordained pastors either.

(Full disclosure: I didn’t write the following article, but it’s genius and I wish I had!)

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Ten Reasons Men Should Not be Ordained Pastors

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, change the oil in the church vans, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

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Cats & Teens

This post originally appeared on my old blogger blog in December 2006. Sadly, Noel has since died (2011). This is the post as it appeared originally: 

On Monday, a co-worker gave my wife a just weened kitten. It’s of the Asian Leopard family (mostly that is… It seems that after several pure-bred generations, this kitten’s momma slipped out of the house one night unchapperoned). My wife, Gay, has decided to name her “Noel.”
That’s Noel being held up for her introduction to the world by Sarah, and of course, the cat has already lost interest.

Anyways, the girls and Josh are having more fun watching this kitten than TV (Programming’s better and with a cat, you know it’ll be cleaner!)

I have NOTHING profound to say but am again just amazed at the joy of everyday life. YEAH GOD!!!

Watching the girls notice the way this kitten seems to have her own mind and will, reminded of this old joke that circulated years back when I was working in the public school. ENJOY!

TEENS AND CATS
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.
5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.
9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.

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Update & Address Change

Since my last post, I’ve been to Annual Conference… and I have many thoughts and opinions that I’m STILL not ready to publicly post… let’s just say that I was made to think during the conference… and God continues to speak! My daughter Michele has graduated from high school and my daughter Sarah is doing a leadership development program… somewhere between a boot camp and a military school setting. Josh continues to run and play… and has begun to explore more (including starting to climb out of his bedroom window after a toy one night after evening church). Gay continues to work as a counselor and I’m back to work… and doing pretty much a full day every day. And our church has publicly welcomed and celebrated the Rev. Leo C. Cramer on the 50th anniversary of his ordination as an elder in the Methodist connection… AND recognized him as “Pastor Emeritus.” I have LOADS of posts running through my head about most of these events… but I’m still in “catch up” mode after being on sick leave for two months… so I want to share an inspirational email I received from a friend. Particularly appropriate at this time of moves and transitions in the Methodist clergy realm…

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I wanted to let everyone know that I have moved, and to give you my new address. I have moved from Beggars’ Alley located on Poverty Lane at the corner of Bleak and Busted Circle. As of today, I have a brand new home.

My new address is: Living Well Drive in the Abundance Subdivision, located at the corner of Blessings Street and Thankful Peak.

You get there by taking the Praising Him Interstate, which runs North, South, East and West. No Longer will I allow myself to travel on Begging Peter to pay off Paul Route, because it’s located at a dead-end intersection called: I Don’t Have, that crosses Borrowers’ Junction.

I no longer hang out at Failures’ Place near Excuses Avenue, next to Procrastination Mall. I’ve moved on to an upscale community called Higher Heights with unlimited potential and opportunities for me to Succeed–look at me!!

Please know that each day that HE awakens me, I am thankful to be a product of my new environment. All of my clothes are MASTER TAILOR-MADE. I am dressed in life’s finest.

Let me introduce you to all of my new neighbors: CONCEIVE IT, BELIEVE IT, ACT ON IT, HAVE FAITH, BE PERSISTENT, AND ALWAYS BE PREPARED TO ACHIEVE.

Life is good because: GOD IS GOOD!!!!! HAVE YOU MOVED TOO??? If not I pray that you will be moving soon!! HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

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Church Fathers

OK… here is the other quiz Keith referenced in his blog

You’re Origen!

You do nothing by half-measures. If you’re going to read the Bible, you want to read it in the original languages. If you’re going to teach, you’re going to reach as many souls as possible, through a proliferation of lectures and books. If you’re a guy and you’re going to fight for purity … well, you’d better hide the kitchen shears.

Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

 

 

 

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